Dreamer's Haven Forums

Help Me!!!*

Kitsune — Thu, 17 May 2012 12:34:57 GMT

I need everyone's help. I deleted EVERYTHING I've written in the past five years. I am a complete idiot, and transferred the wrong folder to the external, and then wiped my computer. Everything is gone. Poems, stories, character bios, and most importantly, Skylord.

If you have anything of mine, copies I sent, chapters of Skylord, PLEASE send it back to me. You guys are my only hope for getting parts of my life back.

Everyone's Nostalgic Dreams Finally Come True

Alcest — Wed, 16 May 2012 22:49:23 GMT

Toonami Anime Block Returns to Adult Swim on May 26!

If you were around for Adult Swim's grand, unforgettable April Fools' night on Cartoon Network, during which they ran a classic block of Toonami anime, then this shouldn't be too big of a surprise: Toonami is officially coming back. Adult Swim has made the big announcement, setting the block's return for May 26.

As unsurprising as it may be, the outpouring of fans who want their good ol' anime block back over the past month-plus has been pretty overwhelming and awesome, especially on Twitter. According to a TV Guide listing via an update on ANN, this is the lineup for the night:

12:00 a.m. - Bleach

12:30 a.m. - Fullmetal Alchemist

1:00 a.m. - Durarara!!

1:30 a.m. - Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

2:00 a.m. - FLCL

2:30 a.m. - Cowboy Bebop

3:00 a.m. - Bleach

3:30 a.m. - Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG

4:00 a.m. - Bleach

4:30 a.m. - Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

5:00 a.m. - Durarara!!

5:30 a.m. - Cowboy Bebop

I'll let you know if that changes, or you can personally head on over to Crunchyroll to see any changes. How's it looking to you, though? Anything missing that you'd like to see as part of the lineup? I would personally like to have seen more Yu Yu Hakosho, Gundam Wing, and DBZ, you know, the ones that made Toonami what it was.

Source: http://www.crunchyroll.com/anime-new...swim-on-may-26

Amid the Arabesque

Paladin_girl — Wed, 16 May 2012 21:32:15 GMT

Home, said the little voice in the wind.

Calloused fingers tinkered the baubles around the wielder's wrist in silence. Her heels dug deeply against the sand dune that attempted to cover the rest of her covered legs, only managing to dance between she and the crimson cloth over her shoulders.

A shadow greeted itself in the form of a thin strand, ribboned across her gaunt torso, its true presence resting over the firm breadth of her left shoulder. Cold and otherworldly, the halberd of the infamous Dhakashin waited against the wielder that it had chained unto itself, mellow amongst the heat between Rath's crimson cloak and madwolf Malris' furs.

The symbol against her left shoulder had once again cracked scarlet down tan skin. It had been long since it had done so � then again, there had been much bleeding in those weeks. A spot below her ribcage seemed to stir pain in remembrance, a cold look passing the bitter woman's face. There was a lot to answer for; but the dread in her bones was not for those that had offended her.

She knew why Dal Gren had pursued her. Pursued the Gael.

Home. Home, home, home.

The half-way point was drawing near, with Rasan staring outwards, his hooves stomping anxiously beside his seated companion.

'Soon,' Dain murmured, 'very soon.'

The she-warrior was yet to see Victory. A childish name for a dove, given by an angry, vengeful juvenile with no place to turn to. They had handed the small, white chick on a platter, whilst others wielded crows, ravens, eagles and kestrels. The young ones were barely aware that it was a hierarchy. The crow-children were footsoldiers, proud people. Ravens, solemn and quiet, restricted to the walls of the library. Eagles, clearly generals, who picked at any that glared at them. Kestrels...

Kestrels saw what no other dared to.

Dain remembered how the younger version of herself felt her blood grow cold at such a thought. She now sat brooding, wondering if that small, dirty child had ever left her, the chill everlasting in her bones.

Something was approaching. She felt it in the arid land beneath her boot. Saw it in the bending of the sands. She smelt it in the air.

The hurried flutter of wings caught her ears. Victory cooed softly, landing on his owner's dark knee, picking at the brown leathers that guarded it. With care lacking, the she-warrior brushed at the white bird's wings, her violet eyes searching the ambers that stared unnervingly back.

Home.

Dain sneered, pushing the famliar onto her shoulder before hoisting herself onto Rasan's back. He broke into an excited gallop, storming into the old, broken town with all due haste, hopping over the wooden gates like a happy child.

Aside from the dead bodies, the town was empty. The she-warrior rose an eyebrow.

These people were no townsfolk. Dain pulled the horse to a halt, kneeling to look at one of the men, turning his cheek to find his eyes put out and his torso gruesomely pecked away. The woman snarled in disgust, dropping the man, having seen the brooch on his chest.

Only the Bloodmoon would have been so arrogant as to make sigils out of their blunders.

The Kitten Khronicals

Kitsune — Mon, 14 May 2012 17:06:22 GMT

May 14th, 2012, 12:57pm

Here's how it started:

I am talking to my mom about going grocery shopping, she has things for me to add to the list downstairs, so I'm making my way there when I hear my stepdad (Garry) going through the house the other way. I think nothing of it. As I enter the kitchen, he calls to me,

"Is that your mother on the phone?"

"Yeah."

"Let me talk to her when you're done!"

So I write down what I needed to remember, went to find Garry, who is on the back porch, with a cat carrier.

I ask, "Another stray?" Because we fix cats that we catch, so they don't reproduce and cause more problems.

"Yeah, and her litter." Well shit.

So we rush around (I hang up on Mom) getting an enclosed bed to keep them warm, and food. Garry takes off, leaving me to care for the SEVEN, yes, SEVEN kittens. I put Momma (I refuse to name her... ok, I haven't thought of the right one yet. I'm thinking Ebony...) Anyways, I get her set up in a big cage, with blankets and a heating pad (every single kitten was ice cold, she's a new mother, and hasn't gotten the hang of things yet) and drive down to bard 5 for our corner litter box, which was left there from Thomas O'Malley's litter.

Upon returning, I note that they kittens are a bit warmer, so I shuffle them around, parting inches of momma cats fur (I have to shave her belly later, or take scissors to her, she's all matted up) so I can find teats for the kittens, and teach them to suckle, they weren't getting it on their own.

Garry and I just carried her cage inside, so they will all be warmer and I can keep an eye on them, plus, now the other cats cant harass them. Now I get to try and make the kittens go potty, Momma is supposed to lick them to make that work, but she hasn't really been on the ball yet, as far as motherly duties.

Will continue to update the Kitten Khronicals as things progress!! Feel free to post questions or comments, I'll put up pictures when then kittens are cleaner.

((PS, this is in the Great Hall for lack of a better place to put it, since my journal is hidden, and will remain so.))

The morning after

Renn — Sat, 12 May 2012 15:29:20 GMT

...prom is always the craziest. Right now, my hair is ALLLL over the place, which is a good thing. My hair being naturally straight and dull, it feels different and kind of good.

Yeah, I know I'm weird.

So anyway, spent this past week getting ready for my senior prom. Gotta say, when the day finally came, I was ready for it to be done and over with. Seriously, so much going on right now, what with graduation less than two weeks away and I still have so much to do!!!

But this isn't about graduation. This is about prom so let's get to that.

Right now, I'm still typing with my nails I got done. This is the first time I got nails like these and everyone tells me how awesome they look. I love playing with them!! Don't judge me. I got other stuff done and OMG!! Waxing is such a pain. Even if it's the 3rd time for my eyebrows to get waxed but I took it like a BAUS!!!! >W<

The day of prom was crazy and naturally, I didn't have a date so I didn't really have to worry about that. Got ready, put on my dress(which was a turquoise color), hair was getting done and make-up on. I think people took pictures, which was I was like 'Ewwww, pictures' but I took them anyway. Cuz y'know, it made the family happy and such. Things went on and I had to go to prom. I purposely missed grand march but I don't care too much. xD

I was there, a lot of people told me I look pretty or beautiful, etc. I damced with a bunch of people. I still like last year's dance but this year was different in one way!! :O

Someone actually asked me to slow dance!!!!!! O_____O!!!!!!

I've never slowed danced with anyway in my whole life and this person who asked me surprised me. I knew him from before and I totally thought he was a racist. It was awkward because that was his first time too I guess. But I didn't think that would happen!!! Last year, no one asked me and this year I really had no hope. So I was really happy afterwards because though I don't show, I'm one of those girls that wanted to have a slow dance with someone.

Anyway, my friend asked me to slow dance too and that was fun because I felt comfortable around him. Then I kind of slow danced with this other friend but then something happen I asked my friend that was a girl to slow dance. It was funny but it was dying out anyway, so it wasn't like anyone stared. I thought it was awesome that it happen. I mean, I've never slow danced before!!!

Afterward, I left to go get ready fgor afterprom which I didn't even go to!! I just hung out with a guy friend in his care for about two hours. I came home around 3ish and didn't go to bed until 4.

AAAANNNNNNDDDD now it's the morning after. xDDD

Ahhhhh

Sapphire_Goddess — Fri, 11 May 2012 15:25:26 GMT

So good news I start my job next week, so I will have internet back soon, Till then one jerk face finally gives me back my laptop I will head to a wifi spot. Rightnow I am sitting at school my last day nervouse as hell because I have studied all week for today, got my notes ready and now its time for my final exam. AHHHHH I hope I get the A I have been wanting so bad. Other then That things have been pretty ok until yesterdayy when my daughter desided to "play" with my really expensive make up distroying about 275 dollars worth, I have 10 outta 27 colors left. Alll over their room. *sigh* I was hystarical,. But I'll live. Thats my quick update for now, I might get online later if I manage to get Jerface to be nice for about 30 minutes until I walk away from his stupid ass.

Dragon Age CG Anime Film Trailed, 6-Minute Clip Streamed

Alcest — Wed, 09 May 2012 20:47:11 GMT

I know some people on here liked the Dragon Age series. I personally didn't like the game at all. Maybe the movie will be different. This keeps popping up on my Facebook's 'hey look at our updates' thing from FUNimation.

The North American anime distributor FUNimation Entertainment began streaming the official U.S. trailer and an English-dubbed 6-minute clip from the Dragon Age: Dawn of the Seeker film on Tuesday. The CG anime film is based on BioWare and Electronic Arts ' fantasy game franchise Dragon Age.

Official U.S. Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2yLE5lm8Cg

6-Minutes Clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxjOV0lmkh4

Dragon Age: Dawn of the Seeker is a prologue to the Dragon Age II game sequel. Director Fumihiko Sori (Ichi, Ashita no Joe, Ping Pong) and the studio Oxybot are working together after previously collaborating on Vexille - 2077 Isolation of Japan and To.

In the Japanese-dubbed version, actress Chiaki Kuriyama (Battle Royale, Kill Bill, The Sky Crawlers) plays the knight heroine Cassandra Pentaghast, actor Shosuke Tanihara (Vexille, The Sky Crawlers, Pok�mon the Movie: Black - Victini and Reshiram) plays a mage named Regalyan D'Marcall, and Gackt (Shiki, Supernatural: The Anime Series, Sket Dance) plays a Knight-Commander. In the English-dubbed version, Colleen Clinkenbeard plays Cassandra Pentaghast.

Dragon Age: Dawn of the Seeker opened in Japan in February, and Funimation will release the film in North America on DVD and Blu-ray Disc on May 29.

Source: ANN and FUNimation Youtube

I don't remember any mention of Seekers while playing the first game. Maybe it is mentioned in the second, or in one of the DLC's. At least the film looks a thousand times more fun to watch than playing the game was.

Author of 'Where the Wild things are' Dies

Alcest — Tue, 08 May 2012 14:52:59 GMT

Quote:

[Updated at 10:34 a.m. ET] Maurice Sendak, author of the classic children's book "Where the Wild Things Are," died from complications after a stroke on Tuesday, said Erin Crum, a spokeswoman for HarperCollins Publishers.

Sendak illustrated nearly 100 books during a 60-year career, winning dozens of accolades as he endeared himself to generations of children reared on his fanciful stories. One critic called him "the Picasso of children's literature." Former President Bill Clinton called him the "king of dreams."

Born in Brooklyn the son of Polish immigrants, Sendak grew up to take a few night classes but largely taught himself as an artist.

He is best known for his book, "Where the Wild Things Are." It tells the story of a boy named Max, who dresses in a white wolf costume and escapes his life at home by sailing to a remote land, where he discovers wild things who roar their terrible roars and gnash their terrible teeth.

Read more about it here: http://news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/08...-83/?hpt=hp_t3

Personal Consideration

Nevermore — Mon, 07 May 2012 17:53:31 GMT

Given my general lurking behavior, I'm sure my sudden ownership of, and posting in, a journal might come as a shock to some people, and might even make them curious, not that it's a particular concern of mine. For the most part, I'm a quiet individual with a complete lack of social skills. My ownership of a facebook account is somewhat ironic given that I'm never social on there at all, but I do read stuff occasionally and for the most part I don't care about what I see. People have a tendency to post every little thing they do or every detail of their days on facebook and I usually roll my eyes and think, cynically, and to myself, how no one really cares about these peoples' lives. Perhaps it's harsh of me to be that way, but it's just not something I care for in the least. I feel the same way about journals and blogs. I like getting my information from people on a personal level, through conversations, not by reading blog posts. I have a bit of a twitch if I ask someone what they've been up to and their response is, "God, didn't you read my blog? It's all in there." It literally hurts.

So, you might ask, or you might not really care, why am I being a hypocrite about this topic? The answer is simple, I'm not doing this hoping anyone will read it, they can if they want, but it's not necessary. I'm doing this as a bit of a test, as the name suggests, I'm considering the topic of myself.

I've found that I am a complex creature, quite easily capable of shocking reactions and thoughts previously unknown to even myself. For the most part I consider myself simple, my life, my job, my habits are all uninspiring and boring. I have no issue being lazy and am more inclined to do nothing with my free time and enjoy it, than actually go do something. But I've learned over the years that I can't simply consider myself on a whim. I can't just sit somewhere and ponder it all in my head and achieve a greater understanding. The most I've ever learned about myself has always been directly related to answering questions that others have asked me. The topic doesn't matter, it could be anything. It may be something I have no opinion or thought of but I can still formulate an answer quickly. I am most definitely a jump without looking, think before you speak, person. And honest, god am I honest. I like to think I have a fairly logical mind and a decently logical way of thinking, so I often look at situations and try to analyze them. My analysis, correct or incorrect regardless, is always given in an unedited format. This, as you may guess, can cause a lot of trouble, everywhere.

I take things very literal, a fact that irritates anyone trying to tell me a joke. I'll understand it's a joke, even laugh at it and enjoy it like everyone else that may have heard it, but if it's an interesting fact of a joke, I'll come up with different scenarios or facts to go with it. People stop laughing awkwardly and complain that it was a joke, which I already knew, but didn't care because I had facts. So, when I'm asked a question, the first thing that comes out will most likely be the most honest and literal answer I have at the time. I can answer the same questions differently when they are repeated at later times. Each time my understanding of my own opinion changes and my answer may or may not be clearer, depending on what I've managed to figure out.

Recently, I've figured out a good deal about myself, most of it unpleasant. It's never an appealing venture of thought when you discover something you loath about yourself, though how you respond to it might make all the difference. Personally, I choose to accept the majority of my faults merely because I'm a non-conformist by nature. The only two options are change or stay the same and accept it. If changing who I am was an option, I would've adopted it many years ago. Clearly, I'm a creature of habit, and my habit is annoying others. I have a tendency to take everything on myself and let it eat away at my mind and my emotions. It's self-sacrificial behavior. Everything becomes my fault and I proceed to mentally beat the hell out of myself for any given amount of time. It helps no one, generally, because I tell no one. I prefer to suffer in silence. And god forbid someone actually notice and ask what's wrong because I deflect. If someone wants to help, I don't want them to because I feel like I deserve my bad mood. The most depressing part about it is I have a tendency to tell those involved how I feel and I apologize and try to remove myself, if only my absence will make things better. I'd rather run than try to fix it because I suck at fixing my own mistakes.

It's times like these I curse sunny skies. Call me emo, call it dramatic, call it what you want, but when I'm down like that, I enjoy walking in the rain. There's something appropriate and soothing about it. I feel better now than I have for a small while, but my mind is still swimming, still questioning and still trying to settle on something. I don't know what yet. Perhaps I'll find it out here.

My absence

Fraeyalise — Mon, 07 May 2012 02:33:01 GMT

So I'm going to be gone until this weekend.

Well I start my first day at Wal-Mart Tuesday. I'm completely out of the dorms and all that's left is to clean them and give up my room/bathroom keys.

I wish they wouldn't kick us out of the dorms finals week. If we hadn't gotten this apartment so soon, I'd be stretched so thin you (yes you, on the internet) would be able to see right through me.

But we did get it soon, and all of our belongings are here in my first apartment. Our first apartment.

These past two weeks have been such a roller coaster of emotion. My family is extremely Christian, and so the fact that I'm living with my fiance is wrong in their eyes. And to make me feel even more like a terrible person, they see fit to fight with me about it. But it all boils down to my happiness in my eyes. It hurts to say it, but I don't consider myself a Christian anymore. At least, not until I can sort myself out.

To me, I love Taylor, and I love living with him. It makes me so happy to wake up in our bed in our apartment with our things, in our home. I do want to get married, eventually, but right now our education is more important. We need to pay for college and start paying off our loan debt. We need to go to school first, and be married later. I feel like we're already married right now, and if we did get officially married all that would change is we'd have one more piece of paper to keep. And no one in my family is willing to support me in this except the ones who don't go to church regularly. That is one reason why my faith is slipping, I think.

So I've been carrying guilt around with me for years, really. I've just gone through the motions of church that have been pounded into my head since birth.
And now that I'm not going at all, I feel... free. And then I feel completely guilty for feeling contrary to what I SHOULD feel, what I've been taught to feel. I just... I dunno. I'm happy with Taylor. I feel safe and confident with him, and I can tell him everything. I just wish my family could see that and stop making me feel guilty for loving him. It's not like we just met. We met six years ago, and have been together for four and a half years already without breaking up. I feel like that right there should be enough for them to back off.

But oh well. I have a final in the morning at 8, so I'm going to get ready for bed.
Wish me luck.

Takeing a break

Isa — Mon, 07 May 2012 00:47:24 GMT

The last week or so has forced me to realize a lot of things. Mostly its been realizing that I hadn't really addressed a lot of the things I thought I had. Up until recently I'd prided myself on the fact that I'd finally gotten my anger under control. Instead one thing set off a chain reaction and I may well have hurt and lost the only person that's been a source of peace and understanding for me over the last five or six years. I've hurt more than her I know, but she's done a lot for me beyond what she knows.

I'm incredibly brilliant in some fields, Math and science have always been something that came to me almost naturally and I have a voracious appetite for knowledge of any sort, I've got a unfortunately accurate memory though at times it seems like finding anything in it takes ages. But people I don't get, I really don't not in that emotions don't make sense to me, but I just don't understand what causes them in others. I can stand a foot away from almost any person I've met and tell you every emotion they were feeling in that moment, but I don't understand what I'm sensing. Passion, be it love or anger, I understand, but only because the seem to be the only things I feel. Truthfully those are the only emotions I've felt for a long time.

One of the biggest fears in my life has always been letting myself out, of loosing control of the darker parts of me I keep pushed down. The first time I did it I caused a lot of damage to a lot of good people, I'd be lying if I said that some twisted part of me hadn't found satisfaction in it. Unfortunately I doubt the friend, who I'll admit I've wished for a long time would let me be more than that, is going to be talking to me again any time soon. It's depressing, and for the first time since I moved out of my dads I'm not just feeling lost but without a purpose, This was the person who for the last five years I knew would always be able to say exactly the right thing to make me feel better. Hell I figured anytime she said hi made for a perfect day. So To her all I can say is this: I am sorry, that will never make up for the things that were said, for the mistakes made, and for the things I've done. To the rest I've hurt I can say only sorry. I'd say your welcome to stop by columbus and take it out of my hide bu My heart seems to have done a rather thorough job of skinning me alive already.

That said I'm going to be away from the forums for awhile. I'm not really sure how long but I'll come back eventually, everyone here is family and a few of you are more than that to me. If you need me I'm on skype, shoot me a message and I'll reply as soon as I get back to the PC. Now I need to go talk to a very old friend about an offer he made a while back and see if it's still open. a few less nightmares in my head might be nice.

Just throwing thoughts out there.

Paladin_girl — Sun, 06 May 2012 13:45:04 GMT

With the knowledge of believing that whatever is put down here will be overshadowed by further indulgence elsewhere, I have the confidence to say anything and know that I won't care about the consequences. It's been a mad week. One that I hope to never revisit; essentially though, I think that I've dug my own grave.

I'm a proud individual. One that won't take insults left, right and centre, because I understand my limits. I hold it against that person because I am not weak or easily-forgiving. I understand the dangers of doing so. There is nothing worse than someone who will wince and bow down simply because others demand it. So this week, I've come to the understanding that I have limitations, but I won't let them control me. Essentially though, that means that I now have a long list of people who I want to punch in the throat for screwing me.

Last week, I was annoyed because of someone's tactlessness in regards to my personal life, because one of their friends incited to take it upon themselves to try and sort it out without even talking to me about what's been happening in my life. I took no offence to this friend, because they were so stuck in their lovey-dovey bliss that common sense would have been lost to them anyway. So let's just say that the "someone" involved was not in my good books until the issue was burnt away and I could calm down. Obviously they didn't get the message and so, the proverbial molehill is now a mountain. The week started off with bad timing. I don't shake off something simply because the individual kisses my arse and attempts to be cute. What the hell goes through their heads? "If I hug this person or say how nice and sweet they are, I'm off the hook!" No. Fuck that. It just so happens that when you call them out on it, the real spite emerges and my God, that's familiar. It's too familiar. So let's just say my emotional levels have shut down due to this insensitive sod, who has attempted to blame me and manipulate me into being the villain of the piece simply for my life choices. This, according to the individual, was in the name of "love" (a word that's becoming a bitter taste in my mouth) and to "make amends". Just because you are "bad at it" doesn't mean you have to fly off the handle and point fingers.

So let's just say that my feelings are taking a break whilst my brain is dealing with this agitation.

Now this is coupled with, at the same time, news which is neither good or bad, but leaves a sour taste on my tongue. "What do you think?" What the hell am I meant to think? Should I have applauded? Hearing about people's personal lives whilst mine gets battered was not the way to go.

This is amidst making a really hard decision away from the screen in regards to my personal life. I imagine that it must have been hard for a lot of people to imagine that I actually have one, considering how high my avoidance levels are. I don't like people, but the individual. Ones that I can trust. Those numbers are dwindling. Fast. My trust is on par with a spider web. It's easily broken if people do or say the wrong thing - and that's a sad fact. "Trust" and "love" are now in the same pot of cynicism, because they don't seem to matter to the people who wield them. "Trust" is related to "tool", whilst "love" is related to "tool", "sex" or "manipulation". They are starting to mean nothing to me now.

The hardest decision I have to make is for the sake of someone else. I care about them, but I have been able to predict so many outcomes and see them play out before my eyes that nothing fazes me now. This one prediction - this single one has the capacity to break me, because the person will get lonely. Fast. He'll turn to the one person nearest to give him comfort, because friends do that. This friend wants to be more than that - it's easy to tell. People aren't exactly subtle. So... I need to stop that someone else's pain, by hurting them I might add, so that they can be happy. It's their first relationship - I don't want it ending on a bad note. The summer is coming - and I'm not going to be there to share it.

I'm not going to return to sunny Cornwall. I don't plan to - and for the sake of what may or may not happen, I need to stop. Because conversations with that person across distances are so few in the past 3 years that I can count them on my fingers. I never said to him how much that has killed me. I can't even talk to him about the shit going on in my life; he won't know what to say or do. Maybe that's a good thing, I don't know. I just know that even if I was absent from his life, he'd still be happy. He has so many friends to turn to. I tried talking to mutual friends of ours about this; but all they reflected on was the expectation of me spending longer periods of time with Sam. "Distance can work," I'm assured - and their certainty disturbs me, because they assume that it's what I want and so, that'll always be the case. In honesty, I don't want that. Easier said than done. I can't let Sam be chained down to that sort of life if there's going to be long periods of time where we don't communicate. I feel heavy-hearted. I shouldn't be, but I am, because I feel like I'm hurting him to help him. The worst prediction I have about this is that when I've said what's needed, I'll never hear from Sam again. Maybe that's a sign in itself.

Once a lone-wolf...

So no. I've had the worst week to date this year.

To top it off, I've finally cut contact with someone who helped me out during my depression.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paladin_girl, from journal entry "Change":

The friend that I stayed with went from happy to miserable again, because he felt that it was "appropriate", because it was "the right time". It went into very personal issues - many of which I listened to and helped him with - now it felt like I was being blamed for it, even though it was his "emotional awakening", so to speak. He even said, "You could have said something."

It would have helped nothing and I knew this, because he was a wreck for those many years. I knew that I was also too young to comprehend it, when I was going through problems of my own. His problems were not mine, but I wanted to help him - and in my own strange way, I knew that I did. After all that time, it was suddenly now my fault.

I went home feeling sullen and angrier than before. He said very little the day that I left. Maybe because I'd spent the good part of that night talking to him about us both - and I felt cornered. He was asking me to do something that would stop people getting hurt... but I am not responsible for what he feels. I don't feel that I am, when I spent a good five years helping him out with his own relationship issues. I cheered him up, helped him through the worst of it - mostly it was due to a girl that he and I both knew - last year, he said that he loved her. A good few months later, around about May-ish, it changed and stopped "for good". To be honest, it hasn't been the first time that he said that, so I don't believe it. What he wants now.... well. It's impossible. The less said about that the bettter, I think.

Suffice it to say, it took a lot of convincing a few weeks later to say that I had a good time. And I did - I met new friends, enjoyed my day(s) and it was an experience. Then it fell apart because my friend felt miserable, talked little and brought me down with him. I wasn't in the best of moods on the way home - and when the "WANT! WANT! WANT!" started again, I just wanted to shut everything off and go somewhere else.

I still feel that way, really. I know it's cutting me off from the best of people - the ones who actually value me for me. I'm not "wanted", but I'm there to be a companion. A friend. I'm not this... convenient thing to receive and receive when I've done little to deserve it. The petting and the preening is not what I'm there for. Playful is fine, but when it's ... I don't know. Not, I guess? It just sickens me. I feel exhausted. I don't want to be "assumed" to be something, I want to be me. Stop telling me who I am when I know who I am. People have walked up to me and walked away within ten minutes thinking that I'm "heartless". Others have come up, asked for something, received it, there done, you're insignificant now. They're bored with you now. Their arse-kissing and "hinting" has served its purpose. The worst of it is when people puppeteer you into their little circles - they want you to want something, even if you don't. The feelings don't matter, just as long as you do it. I'm sorry but fuck that. My body, my mind, my damn feelings. Who are you to tell me what I am?

It took me aback just how much of an effect that this person had on me. I even said that I trusted this individual. A rarity in my hat. I had spent so much time on this person's issues without asking for anything in return, because that would have been wrong. This person now treats me like a stranger - expendable. So much for trust. Today, I cut that person from my life. The little prince can keep his subjects. I've got a life to sort out.

Easier said than done - but really, cutting that person from my life hasn't frightened me. Might have dug my own grave here, but I'm not really afraid. If he has any complaints, I'm sure that the boy has his own set of subjects now to test on.

So yeah. Great week. Should totally do it again at some point.

I'm done.

sigh again

Sapphire_Goddess — Sun, 06 May 2012 03:51:09 GMT

SO My head is full of so much right now. Stress has put me through the ringer... Im going to be going to the ER on monday, For a week and a half I have had migrains that are really bad, and they are making me dizzy at times. Not only that but they are so bad I only get like 2 hours of sleep a night. I am sure its stress but I still need to be checked for it.

Next up....

I will do my best to try to get online every day but no promises. I will be doing wifi during the day when I can and I can go to a friends house for that too. So that will be ok. But if you really need to contact me sapphiregoddess1@hotmail.com

I'm always too late
I see the train leaving
I'm always laughing
When it's not cool to smile

I'm always aiming
But somehow keep missing
So how did you get here
Something is wrong

[CHORUS:]
Where did I go right
How did I get you
How come all this blue sky is around me
And you found me
Where did I go right
How did I get you
I don't know how I did
But somehow now I do

I'm always driving
Forget where I'm going
Should have turned left
But I was singing some song
And I, I am arriving
As everyone's leaving
But there you are waiting
Something is wrong

[CHORUS]

Makes no sense to me
No it isn't clear
But somehow you're standing here
Something gets to me
It's that nothing is wrong

[CHORUS 2X]
This song has a big meaning right now.

As we all know I was with Carlos for 2 years 6 years ago. Now that we are both older, we both have changed for the better, plus the hair cut he got is super cute. I couldnt be more happy with how things are going between us. I feel like we have been together this whole time. We have fallen in love again, and I believe I fell hard this time. I cant go one night with out dreaming about him, and I cant seem to het him outta my mind, which I dont want to. I really do Love him so much. he gets me, he understands my emotions better then anyone. I get smiles when we talk, and pretty soon we will be talking on the phone again, we agreed to it, he even has my cell number now. I melt in happiness when we talk, and I cant help but think he has been the one the whole time. In love no distance should matter. I have desided I dont care what people think about what I have found in him. I love him I care about him, and He loves me. We talk as much as we can if not more. I cant go one day without talking to him or I get pretty down and out. I feel like I found a special person and I wont give it up again. All my insperation for writing is back and I thought I lost my ability to write when I broke up with him. but I got it back after a week of talking to him. I wish I could have shown you all my reaction when he told me I love you for the first time a couple of weeks ago, I nearly cried, I had tears of happiness. And I want to thank you for all that you did.
I couldnt be happier with Carlos right now. The only thing that would make it better is if I got to be "with" him. But all in due time i guess. I hope. I feel like I met my match in him. I am head over heels in love with him. I dont want anyone else I want him. I have come to terms with the distance, yes it will be hard, but as my cards have told me, work hard and good things will come to me. Which means I will get my happiness once the storm clears. People may be worried, but Im not. I found what I have been looking for.

Next up on my list:
I wanna thank you all for the suport and help with all my problems and listening to me and being a friend. I would love to keep in contact with all of you that call me friend, and Im totally willing to give my cell number to whoever would like it. This phone will not be turned off, its under my mom, so it only costs me 10 dollars a month. SO awesome.

I am still stressed out to the max, but then again there should be a hand book on how to be a single parent of 2 with an ex boyfriend who is an emotional abuser who has a 19 year old who acts younger then your 3 year old. Thats what I get for picking some one 9 years older then me. At least Carlos is only like 2-3 years older.

Im still thanking all the heavens and stars that I was able to get back with such an amazing person. and for him to want me back after all that I have done. to me that is true love, and pure love as well.

With all this said I hope You guys understand what I feel and hopefully you wanna message me on hotmail or even text me on my cell. I love you all and Thank you again for being the best friends and family I could ever ask for. You guys have been here for me the most with the best advice and the most caring nature, And thats what keeps bringing me back.

And it seems like the sky is haunting me tonight because I maynot get to talk to him..
taken from my back yard.

Gothic Nights 'SIGN UP'

Fenrir — Sat, 05 May 2012 06:26:18 GMT

This will be a closed RP. I�m keeping the amount of people down to 3 or 4. So, there is room for 1 or 2 others. It�s a first come, first serve thing. You guys know how it goes. If there are more that want to enter, it�s possible to create multiple stories to have them combine later on.

If you have any questions. Lemme know!

Serious participants only please ^^

GOTHIC NIGHTS �A Beginning�

The Synopsis -

Caligo. A large romanesque city surrounded by a jagged mountainous range, called The Acredo Peaks. The mountains are desolate, lifeless and still. Snow capped and rainy at different times during the year. The mountains are sharp and tall, making it virtually impossible to live on. Caligo was once a bustling and thriving community, it is now nothing more than a shadow of its former glory. Darkness has spread and laid its roots deep within the land. Trees that adorn no leaves, gardens that bear no fruit, townsfolk with no happiness and a group that has squeezed and sucked every droplet of happiness from it. It�s people have been oppressed and ridiculed to a point where they have given up hope. Many families have fled, seeking refuge in surrounding cities, leaving their abandoned houses and life behind.

Fog stretches its arms throughout the city, almost on a daily basis. Sometimes for a few hours, and other times for days straight. Thunderstorms to mild wind gusts assault the city four to five days of the week. During the few months of winter, fluffy snow paints the town white. Days filled with sunlight, happiness and laughter are completely gone.

At the very far edge of town nestled between 2 large peaks, there lies a giant, looming mansion overlooking the city. It�s got large, heavy wooden doors guarding the entrance and its completely encased in a high black fence. There are no confirmed reports of people residing in it. The townsfolk fear it and claim its cursed. Others, say it was built with pure evil. Not a single person within the town will go near it for fear of being cursed, or even worse, losing their life.

Summons have been sent from an unknown source within the city for aid.

A group known as �Spiritum� has been dispatched. It�s a special branch of the government that specializes the paranormal. The number of members of around 15, all are said to hold supernatural powers. From martial arts, magic, alchemy to shapeshifters, mutants and demigods; this group has it all. Remaining behind the scenes, they are only sent out on highly secretive and mysterious missions. It�s make up and member identity remains secretive. Their aim is to rendezvous with the person who summoned them and investigate the city of Caligo. What happens to them and what sort of things, beings and situations they will encounter is a mystery. After all, the city of Caligo is pretty much a complete mystery itself.

The Protagonists -

Positions -

GHOST ... Silent and lethal. This position specializes in sneak and stealth. Information gathering, reconnaissance and assassination are the specialties of this position.

MAGUS ... Fire and Ice. Black magic. Summons. Heals. Anything magic related is this position.

EXORCIST ... The heart and soul of the Spiritum. They are the absolute experts and go to guys on the paranormal and the occult. Their abilities are highly unique and mysterious.

MONK ... Masters of the martial arts. Each monk is said to have honed and conditioned their body to such extremes that it can withstand large amounts of pain and damage. Many have mastered multiple styles. Some are able to control chakra and elements.

GOTHORUM ... Focus on black magic, alchemy and potions. Necromancy and witchcraft.

PURIFIER ... People who specialize in a vast array of hand held weapons. Swords, axes, knives, katanas, whips any medieval weapon that can be used in hand to hand combat these people know how to use with a high proficiency. With a focus on learning different types of weapons comes, learning different styles of fighting. The true warriors of Spiritum.

MAGISTER ... Smart, intelligent and inquisitive. These people are the scientists and engineers within Spiritum. They focus on new technology, weapon creation and modifications. Demolition experts.

SHIFTER ... These guys are human. But, they have special traits. Some can change from pure human to their pure Shifter. There are some that are half human, half shifter. Also, there are Shifters with demon, bug, mutant and robotic qualities. All Shifters are different. Most information about them is unknown.

The Character Sheet -

Name ...
Age ...
Sex ...
Position ... ((You can select from any of the positions above, or create one of your own.))
Affinity ... ((Weapons, skills, magic, etc. All that stuff goes here.))
Bio ...

Admin Change

Kitsune — Sat, 05 May 2012 01:47:41 GMT

Simply because there is so little to do on the site from a managerial standpoint, and his limited time online in recent weeks, Isa has gone back to being a regular member.

If the site requires another admin or super moderator in the future, Isa will be at the top of the list for that position.

As a reminder, the current active mods are myself, Paladin_Girl, and Doc, with Alcest and Mygas helping in the background when we need them.